This giant post, and the following, include snippets of journal entries from each day I spent at the SEEDS festival at Earthdance.
7/9
First night at SEEDS. Drove 7 hours by myself today! Sang a lot and took pictures. Did not run out of gas. Worked up courage to say hello to new people and engage in conversation. There's a hump you have to get over, and after that we are all the same, at least enough to be comforting. I'm happy I already talked to a woman about ecological pieces within the first 2 hours I was here. Her focus? Water! She's been doing making this type of work for 20+ years. It's inspiring to know this focus has existed for so long. It is all new to me. Why is there not more work like this? I want to figure how to complete dance research. And I want to perform as an artist any way that feels right to me, the she has done. Fun moment- met Greg while looking up and being amazed by the stars. I can finally see so many! I feel a bit safer because he is sleeping in a hammock near the other campers- and smells more like food than we do from working in the kitchen. Hopefully the bear won't be interested in me, or him.
Even better, is that here, I am amongst the kind of peers I want to be around most and work with. Here I will exercise embodiement of myself, as simple as that sounds. I am growing more comfortable in the fact that I often differ in sense of humor and outlook. Why not cherish it? It feels so good to be 22 and free.
7/10
10pm and I hate to admit I'm tired enough to not feel like writing right now. There's a lot to say about the feelings and emotions I went through today, and the new levels of perception I reached, as well as comfort. I still have so much work to do, with my own struggle. I have so much perception in (what I call) the second conciousness, the one beneath our actions. The one we use to judge ourselves. I'd rather be staying up late right now, but what I need most is sleep. And, to not think twice, in the way I have been. About anything. Immediacy, patience, learning and a solid self are key.
7/11
Morning:
Release from the release! This is a new concept for me and is applicable to this time of my life more than others, as I seek to release my habitual fears that contribute to insecurities. I think the problem I've run into in college is finding opportunities in which to grow out of fears, release creativity and release my true self in to the world, but I can't get past the jumping point. I get to the edge, look a lot, speak in to the valley, but never jump. (How else can I walk to the other side? Humans flying is lying). So, if I release my fears of taking opportunities and then release in to the valley, I will evolve. The second, deep inhale is necessary to enabling the experience to exist.
Afternoon:
Some exercises: all pieces are fluid, undo the tension inside the body. Relax throat and tongue and set pelvis back to loosen space inside and space around asophogus. Reaching, put arm on someone or object and notice energy between the two things almost touching, encourage this feeling. Experiment with small sits bone movement and connection to jaw. Smaller movements generate greatest results.
Duet with a fly:
During the extended exercise of reaching for, touching, releasing into, and releasing further, I encountered a fly. First, I played with a wall to notice how it feels to release my wait on to it, and how I could form a grip depending on the way I released on to a surface. My mind went on a tangent about rock climbing and holds. Then as I moved to the floor I notice a tiny fly, about 1/4 the size of a finger nail. I put him on my finger to take him outside, but he did not release his grip. I joined some people dancing outside my new insect friend stayed on my finger for 20 minutes! This simple creature new better than I how to release his weight onto another object, and form a connection strong enough to last as my hand moved upside down and sideways. My favorite moment was one I paused to look at his body, and he moved his head so his bright yellow-spotted eyes faced mine. I almost ran over to Karl, who is working a project documenting physical interactions with animals of all kinds. Today I danced a duet with a fly.
Moving about the stream:
Turned off camera mind. Multiple duets, conversations with rock, leaf and water. Discovery of sound. What did my foot just do to the pebbles in the water? Dance with mosquitos in shallow pools. Water cools human. Drink water. Branch in hand. Water ripples. Questions. How/why can do we research by moving? Think with the body. I looked at truth in rock, green, clear water. The hard, the clear, the pure in color truth, and acted upon this. What is. Further rotations of the mind are unnecessary.
I learned, today, that I need to exercise patience. A transformation is happening. But, transformation cannot take place unless eased into with full body. I am new. I am a beginner. I have doubts. I have fears, and insecurities. I am myself, and I am not these things. They are specks of dust floating in my broth.
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